I largely began this blog largely as a means of sharing with those I know: friends, family and those souls who have become an integral part of the healing journey thus far. My writing is often in response to thoughts I may have from books or articles that I may have read; also along with musings from my journal entries and contemplation from my own spiritual journey. This is often from within the context of the mental illness I live with and the simultaneous inner vocation to monastic life that has been a part of my reality from since adolescence. This monastic stream has over the years come to nourish my personal recovery journey immensely and instill a deep and peaceful presence in my life through the grounded wisdom that this nourishes my soul with. These two streams of ”mental illness” and ” monastic vocation” have often at times been experienced as an internal paradox and reality that has at times been hard to understand and make sense of easily but never-the less has been an amazing journey of revelation that at its heart also imbues a deep potential for an extremely creative and ”sacred birthing” that nourishes the inner silence that holds these two streams – and uniting both in my own existential longing for the divine and in and through the experience of death and life that these paradoxes have born forth.
As a person daily living with chronic mental illness and the in inherent complexities and themes of duality present in symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – while equally holding this deep vocational calling to the Contemplative Life lived through the mystical and contemplative Christian Wisdom Tradition – I also began this blog as a means of putting word to my own pondering s on the dichotomies that can be so much a reality within the experience of mental illness; yet while I also correspondingly journey towards becoming a lay monk and monastic in the world. An amazing inner journey where the divine has continually birthed forth the threads of a ” sacred deepening” that have always woven in and throughout all the seasons and themes of my life.
I also established this blog as a means to ground my own recovery journey like a mirror of sorts, and hold a hope that it may be a way in which I can also reflect the richness and groundedness imbued within the contemplative and mystical tradition that has and continues to aid in this recovery immensely; and also as I grow coming to embody more and more the wonders of this path in my vocation to the lay monastic life, as it is embodied in contemporary lay monastic movements( forms of contemporary religious life for 21st century and one that is re-surging within today’s modern church) and especially also within the construct of the ancient eremitical tradition.
This is as a contemporary and urban eremitic, yet one rooted in an ancient tradition going back to the desert wisdom tradition of early Christianity and lived out by the early Abbas and Ammas (mothers and fathers) of the early Christian church – Those deeply inspiring men and women and radical counter cultural early desert dwellers that migrated into and through the ”inner” and ”outer” desert in their thousands to find a way of life cemented wholly in the Gospels without compromise from the growing institutional church of the time.
Please know that there WILL be punctuation and grammatical errors in my writing due to a very limited education largely because of illness. Learning the” ins and outs” of this process is a great joy yet challenging and is very much a work in progress for this”occasional” blogger here and I hold this journey of ”sharing” with those drawn to reading my blog of far more value than the finer small points of correct English.